I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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