Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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