haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
