the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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