you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
