Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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