You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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