The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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