He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
