Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
