I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
