omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
