I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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