I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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