Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
