If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
