why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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