I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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