For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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