I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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