so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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