Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
