When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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