I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
