I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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