This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
