Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
