Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
