I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
