I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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