the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My boob is missing a layer of skin
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
