wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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