he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
