Fuck appropriateness.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
