12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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