I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
