this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
