ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
