All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
