My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
