I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
