i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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