she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
