I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
