I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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