she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
