Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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