I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
