Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
