i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
